Is There A Free Choice To Raising Children? (Part 2)

With two gifted daughters, Chua is determined to reverse one of her fears: “A remarkably common pattern among Chinese immigrants fortunate enough to come to the United States as graduate students or skilled workers over the last fifty years” (p. 25). A perfect example of a parent doing what she is supposed to do: “Saving your children from your fears and to get them to turn out the way you want them to turn out.” Chua went on to say that the first immigrant generation (like her parents) sacrifices all for children’s education, and extremely strict and rabidly thrifty; the second generation (like herself) will “typically high-achieving” but less strict; the third generation (like her two daughters) is “the one I spend nights lying awake worrying about”, Chua says, “they will feel that they have individual rights guaranteed by the U.S. Constitution and therefore be much more likely to disobey their parents”–leading to disrespect and generational decline. “Well, not on my watch”, she claims. “From the moment Sophia was born and I looked into her cute and knowing face I was determined not to let it happen to her, not to raise a soft, entitled child–not to let my family fall”; “The Chinese believe that the best way to protect their children is by preparing them for the future, letting them see what they’re capable of, and arming them with skills, work habits, and inner confidence that no one can ever take away.” (p. 26). So, off she goes… “Working hard [exerting effort (intense force)] to avoid what you are afraid of, to instill and perpetuate your personal beliefs, opinions and points of view in your offspring, including the need to be well thought of”.

Such default condition doesn’t just impact immigrant families. All the rules and the punishments they had in place were simply a demonstration of what every parent would do: arming me with disciplines, skills and work ethics, so their first-born-daughter would turn out.

We can judge and assess what Chua or my parents should do, or shouldn’t do all we want. It would’t change that very default condition of parenting or make it go away. Tiger Mothers or love-unconditionally-with-logic-mothers, rich or poor, Chinese, or Caucasian, as long as you are a parent, you are going to be affected by it. No parent is immune from it.

Does that mean being a parent is a bad deal? Doomed? A green light for anyone hitting a child, or calling a child “garbage” (Although, I found it strange and disrespectful at first to call a child “little monkey”, “weed”, “stinker”, or “pumpkin”–but we do it, even myself after 14 years of cultural assimilation, in American-kind-of-everyday-conversation)?

It is rather to uncover the prevailing notion that shapes our thoughts, actions, and experiences of being a parent. I have since developed a sense of compassion for all parents–yes, even for those behave abusively that I used to point finger at. It allows me to appreciate how any culture (or anyone) sees the world, and not quick to judge. Please don’t mistaken this as a permission or an endorsement for any parenting strategy. What parents do to their children, for them, the bitter sweet, the good-bad-and the-ugly are not personal phenomenon at all. Maybe they are a function of the default ordinary way that we have been related to parenting for thousand years. Maybe it is an unexamined everyday of thinking about parenting we have been unwittingly entrapped.

How about that question of is there the right way to parenting?

I don’t know if there is THE right way. Parenting is not a subject of Math. It is BEING in a relationship with another person. And relationship is not a cookie-cutter, cause-effect, linear-matter. I invite you instead of looking for an answer, creating opportunities for you to explore your relationship to parenting:

ex.plore (ik splor”) vt. [L. explore, to search out : ex-, out + plore, to cry out, wail] 1. to look into closely 2. to travel in (a region previously unknown or little known) in order to learn about its natural features, inhabitants, etc.

I like the number two definition!!  You?

Something to consider:

In our “I-based world”, we often forget that every matter consists of at least two points of view, and that they cannot be exactly the same. We see/hear things differently from each other. To simply listen to the other’s point of view, and even to ask them to share more of it, without trying to get them to have your point of view, takes you beyond the ordinary and into extraordinary relationships (Taken from CONNECTED! January, 2011, e-newsletter).

Is There A Free Choice To Raising Children? (Part 1)

It has been three weeks since an excerpt article  from the the book by Amy Chua titled, “Battle Hymn of The Tiger Mother” published.

At first, I felt “obligated” to weigh in on the matter. After all, I am Taiwanese (No, it doesn’t mean I am a Chinese if that’s what you are wondering. Most Asian countries are culturally-Chinese-influenced). Many commenters (well over 7542 comments through WSJ at the writing of this) and bloggers—in fact, the vast majority of the ones I have read—are aghast. Some are appalled at Chua’s parenting techniques. Others are angry because they have no desire to be lumped into Chua’s “Chinese mothers” categorization, and feel that the Wall Street Journal is simply perpetuating harmful stereotypes. A lot of hateful language directed at Chua. Just to share a few:  “This was appalling and reprehensible. Anyone viewed treating a child as she describes should be prosecuted for child abuse. Anyone who could construe that this type of behavior might be “motivation” need psychiatric evaluation. This is not a cultural issue. I am so sorry for her daughters. The woman clearly hates herself”; “I grew up in America, in a white family, with a psycho mom much like Amy, and boy do I feel bad for her kids! If I were her husband I’d divorce her”; “Chinese Mothers Are Nothing”.

Frankly, I am more curious about the blistering reactions than Chua’s methods. Why are people enraged about how one woman chooses to raise her children as if there is “the right” way to parenting.

Well, is there?!

I decided to read the book to get the whole story before judging by its cover. Reading Chua’s book was like reading documentation of my own father’s child rearing techniques. It hits home: Growing up, we were never allowed to have a playdate, nor sleepover, or video games. There were no snacks between meals–“Three meals a day is plenty”–my father would say, and he decided what two TV programs to watch per week. We were required to speak Taiwanese when we were at home, or my parents would not speak to us. The scene about fighting over practicing the piano with Chua’s daughter is also all too familiar; though, I didn’t have the gall to rip up music sheets, but at one point in protest, I played piano with my feet, and paid for it later with a fierce spanking, plus an hour of grueling squat. Comic books were prohibited. I was once caught reading them when I was in 9th grade. Six hours of kneeling on an abacus with a Bible in hand to read out loud was the punishment. My father sat across from me throughout the night till dawn. I went to school with both bruised bleeding knees.

Some would say without a doubt my parents are strict, and even abusive. During teenage years, I wrote in my journal about escaping my parents “mad house”, so they could no longer damage my spirit. I vowed I would never spank my children when I become a parent. I would reason and give choices to my children. I would praise, encourage them and never yell or punish them physically. I questioned their parenting skills, and blamed them for my failures. I fact, I know I will be an American-family-TV-shows-type-of-parent (you know a few of them, don’t you), a better kind than my parents.

What I didn’t know then was this very thing about parenting I discovered several years ago. I will call it, “default condition.” It’s like once you take on the role, “Parent”, you are immediately inherited certain thinkings, ideas, behaviors, beliefs about what being a parent is, and is not. You play the role accordingly without knowing. It acts as gatekeeper for what you can think, and do as a parent. You thought YOU can do better than, or do the opposite (as like I used to think), but the challenge is that you don’t know that you don’t know (yes, it’s mouthful) the kind of parent you become is not given by your aspiration, but the default condition, which is: “Children are property, and they belong to you. To save your children from your fears and to get them to turn out the way you want them to turn out by working hard [exerting effort (intense force)] to avoid what you are afraid of, to instill and perpetuate your personal beliefs, opinions and points of view in your offspring, including the need to be well thought of” (Taken from the workshop: Parents: Outside the Trap).

Do I have any evidence for that? Sure, I do. It is well illustrated in Chua’s story……

(To be continued…)

A Nanny Who Doesn’t Believe in Santa Claus

Yes, I am that Nanny who doesn’t believe in Santa Claus.

I assure you, I am not anti-Santa.

I just don’t believe in a Santa Claus whose only concern is to find out if you are naughty or nice. I don’t believe in a Santa Claus that sees you and knows you whenever, wherever you are.

Yes, we want children to be good, and well-behaved. It is not wrong having such an expectation of them. But, have we ever thought about the message we are portraying?

Saint Nicholas of Myra is the primary inspiration for the Christian figure of Sinterklaas. … Nicholas was famous for his generous gifts to the poor, in particular presenting the three impoverished daughters of a pious Christian with dowries so that they would not have to become prostitutes.” (From Wikipedia)

The original story of Saint Nicholas, A.K.A. “Santa Claus”, was one of loving, selfless giving, mercy, compassionate, and accepting. However, we, culturally as a whole, have given Santa a bad name. He has become a judgmental, conditional, and manipulative jolly old man, burdened with materialism, and domination by the media. Here, Santa carries more in his baggage than toys alone!

I am not anti-miracle either.

I just don’t believe in fairy tales, or say, fantasies. Fairy tales and fantasies are made-up stories to illuminate moral values, and sometimes, to manipulate certain points of view.

Telling children there IS a Santa Claus like a “truth” discourages healthy skepticism in children. This is how my father delivered who Santa Claus is:

“Santa Claus, and everything you heard about him are fairy tales people made up. Though, there WAS once a person named Saint Nicolas, who was generous and loving. He gave his fortune to those in need. After he died, people continue to do what he did–an active love and generosity.”

Did my father’s straight-fact-Santa-Claus make me less of a believer in miracles and magic? No. I hear magic in children’s giggles. I am present to magic every time when a plane is in the sky. I experience miracles in relationship with others. I encounter miracles when I am moved to tears by community goodness. Magic and miracles exist in real life, not in fairy tales.

As you go on with preparing the holidays, I invite you to explore and ponder:

Who is Santa for you?

Who are you for Santa?

What is Santa for?

What single (new) practice could you take on for the holidays that would transform them for you and those around you?

Have a magically vibrant holiday season!!

Family Holiday Traditions

(Taken from “Connected e-newsletter, By FamilyBy Design)

We have noticed that when we think of the holiday season we think of traditions and traditional activities. And it is not because we have holiday traditions. It is because holidays are traditions. No tradition, no holiday. Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, et al, are traditions, as are all the activities associated with them.

During this time of year, we celebrate Christmas. And we cannot think of Christmas without thinking of traditions, mostly family traditions. Even if we tried, we cannot help but think of Jesus’ birth in Bethlehem, Christmas Eve church service, carols and other Christmas music, decorating our home with a lighted fir tree and garlands, dolls and other keepsakes, and having our family, neighbors and friends to our home for holiday food and drink. As Ray Charland said during one of our Families and the Holidays teleconversations, “It wouldn’t be Christmas without those things.”

Family holiday traditions seem to be a source of warmth and joy and also stress and upset, both of which seem to increase during the holidays. How can that be?

Well, the family part of family holiday traditions is relationship … warm and joyful.

The holi part calls for the day(s) to be sacred, pure and perfect - uh oh!

The traditions part is “long-established customs and practices that have the effect of unwritten law” (dictionary definition). And law is agreements/promises transmuted into expectations. And since our expectations are rooted in fantasies (i.e. purity and perfection), stress, upset and disappointment are unavoidable – built into the notion of The Holiday Season.

You may ask, ‘how did this tradition get started?’ I’ll tell you. I don’t know. But because of our traditions, every one of us knows who he is and what God expects him to do. Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof

While traditions may tell us who we are and what is expected of us, they cannot be counted on to deliver happiness and joy.

So when you and/or members of your family find yourselves upset during the holidays, there’s nothing wrong with you. It comes with the package. It’s normal and ordinary.

What may be extraordinary is being aware that traditions and traditional activities do not guarantee joy and fulfillment in your holidays. However, you can use traditions as a reminder that you can bring warmth and joy to life in your relationships and families. You can bring your unabashed expression of love and appreciation to the people you hold so dear.

We wish you a wonderful Holiday Season and a happy entry into 2011.

Parenthood In The Middle

When asked how the workshop went last weekend, “It was amazing,” I said.

It was amazing not because parents now would have angelic little children await when they get home.

It was amazing not because parents now have the instructions to fix and change their children or their parenting styles–the workshop did not, and will never intend to fix or change people, or families.

It was amazing to see people in the workshop experience being free, peaceful, and at ease about being parents.

It was amazing because I did not have to have the answers to what parents are dealing with. Through generous and authentic sharing, they saw answers for themselves, and realized the upset, frustration, worries, and overwhelmed they have been experiencing from time to time as parents is nothing more than the desire of wanting their children to turn out. Somehow that desire turned into unfulfilled expectation. Love and joy of parenting had gone out of the window.

A friend of ours, Leah Siegel, mother of three young children, passed away last Monday due to breast cancer. The journey of fighting the illness was “haunted by the idea that her children would grow up without any memory of her.” As I read the tribute Sunday morning, tears streamed down on my face. Leah said, “It breaks my heart that they may not get to know me… That’s half the reason I keep fighting, damn it. I’m going to stay alive long enough for them to have some kind of memory of me.” My heart ached for what Leah had to go through–the physical pain and emotional turmoil–all of it for loving her children. I wondered…

Where did the burden and fear of not having to do an impeccable job in protecting and raising our children come from? We expect we SHOULD provide our children a perfect life, a life without set backs and tragedies, because one mistake may ruin them.

Maybe we have assumed too much as parents–too much responsibility, too much seriousness, too much burden. Maybe we have assumed too much about ourselves and our children. Maybe as a society, we don’t even know what a parent is, not to mention what a parent’s job is.

Perhaps it’s time to unburden yourself. Allow yourself to put those nagging questions “Have I done my job?” “Would my children be OK/turn out without me?” to rest, and never have to rustle with them any more. Peace and freedom is just a conversation away. Join us in the next Familying Workshop in which you regain the experience of joy and wonder of being parents.

Familying Workshop Is Coming To Texas!!

It is with joy and excitement to announce that I will be leading the very first Familying Workshop in July!!

The journey of creating “Familying” started in 2009. Through your generous contribution and support, I was able to use the structure and the distinctions of Power and Contribution Course to discover many hidden discourses of being a parent, and how they unknowingly impact the dynamic between parents children. Another thing I realized (which is nothing new to most of us) was that how we are in relationship with others can traced back to our own relationship with our parents. Simply say, family experience is life-defining: it shapes who you are, what is possible and not possible in every relationship and every aspect of your life.

In sharing with others about Familying Initiative, I was referred to Sandy and Lon Golnick, the owner of “Relationship and FamiliesBy Design.”  The work they have started six years ago paved the path for a new paradigm, called “Familying”. I am honored to be in partnership with them, create, produce, and conduct workshops and coaching for parents who have a commitment to experience a new peace, freedom, and ease in their roles as parents.

So, stay tune!!  More details to come!!!

Everybody Loves Babies

My Husband and I saw the movie, Babies, a documentary film came out on Mother’s Day weekend that follows the first year in the life of four babies born in Namibia, Mongolia, Tokyo, and San Francisco.

I highly recommend putting aside any judgement and assessment you might have about what “good”/“right” parenting is and is not as you watch the movie.  As someone who was born and grew up in another country/culture, I can deeply relate to the life style of Mongolian and Namibian families. Not because I grew up in the village, or a yurt, but it reminded me my own childhood. For example, when I saw the Mongolian baby and his family all squeezed onto one motorcycle with no one wearing helmets, I remembered our family-of-five crowded on my father’s Vespa with no one wearing protective gear. Did my parents not care about safety? I wouldn’t think so, but a scene like this could get reported as a possible child abuse/neglect, or a crime of some sort in the U.S. if anything had happened to a child.

Another childhood wonderment was seeing the Mongolian and Namibian babies playing with rocks, sand, sticks, and pure imagination. My parents were not big on store bought toys, or children’s books. My mother would use a thread and tie around our wrists to a mobile she made–a wooden stick sewed with a few fabrics she got from the clothing factory she worked for. Kitchen utensils, cardboard  boxes, and that forever-fun toilet paper were my favorite toys. Green grass and tree leaves, red flower petals and black sticky mud were what’s-for-dinner-tonight at my tea party. And, yes, my mother would also tie us to the leg of a chair, and she would sing, or tell us a story as she working away at her sewing machine.

The movie also makes me look at how urban/suburban life style impacts the interaction and relationship between parents and children. It seems that in the Western world, parenting has gotten harder even though things have gotten a lot easier. I sometimes wonder does the technology itself makes our daily life safer, or more dangerous and toxic?  “Child-safe” environment is not a concern in the hills of Mongolia and mud-hut village of Namibia. I heard the sound of gasps from the audiences as the movie shown buzzing flies, cracked stones, dried up animal bones, live-stocks strolling next to the crawling babies. Though, they were never harmed physically, mentally, socially and emotionally. It’s almost like they are in harmony with nature. The babies in Japan and San Francisco, living in touchy-feely, hyperactive coddling, tightly high-tech-organized-and-crowed environment, child-proofed environment seems to be a must.

A Dad (Rufus Griscom, “Babies Movie Review from a Dad”) wrote in his review,

“… that we in the Western world are parenting against the grain. It’s harder than it should be. Most things have gotten a whole lot easier in the last 10,000 years, but I think it’s possible that parenting has gotten harder.

To put a finer point on it, I don’t think it’s natural for a grown up to be isolated in a white box with one or more small children. … In the traditional village environment… infants and toddlers receive constant stimulation from siblings, peers, animals, and the various nuances of the great outdoors; in the modern, urban/ suburban environment, in contrast, parents provide that stimulation — we get on our hands and knees with educational toys and pretend that we too are just discovering the mysteries of gravity, percussive acoustics, and the tensile strength of styrofoam. This, of course, can be a magical and lovely experience — I love nothing more than time in our white box with my kids, rolling around on the floor — but the reality is that my interest in kid stuff is exhausted before my kids’ interest in kids stuff is exhausted, and then I tend to feel guilty and frustrated.

Because of this tension, and the intensity of work and other interests, I all too frequently try to multi-task, sneaking in emails while lying inside the fort constructed out of coffee tables and armchairs, reading the newspaper in the tub while the kids splash about. … I have a general sense that I am doing too much and not enough at the same time.”

Of course, parents will and always want the best for their children. It is possible the commitment that our children turn out is reduced to expectation, one that seems to be a genuine hope, but is often based on grass-is-always-greener-on-the-other-side. Such unconscious comparison builds up frustration, pressure, stress, and guilt–looking for the best toys, schools, camps, extra-stimulation-curriculum-activities. Looking for something better, or best as if what we have, or what we do is not good enough. I don’t mean to invalidate all the opportunities and technologies we have. Yes, we are blessed with modern tools, but they are not what nurture our children. Tools can never replace the presence of and the interaction with another living-being (i.e., siblings, peers, animals), like those moments  portrayed within the scenes of the Namibian and Mongolian babies.

The movie powerfully echos a view that considering how varied our cultures and environments are, the human behaviors, i.e., how babies grow and develop, are surprisingly similar. It might look as if child rearing practices are very different around the world; though, as I looked beyond the obvious-dos during the 80-minutes-no-voice-over-and-no-narration-but-babbles-and-giggles, the universal truth about those four families is, as the director said himself: “These babies were all loved by their families, loved in different ways. A loved baby has all the advantages, no matter where [he/she] grows up.”

Check out more Babies movie reviews here:

Babies Movie Review from a Dad

Moments in Succession

Interview with Director

For Heaven’s Sake

What could be the very one thing that gives us ongoing growth and development–like sunshine and water are to flowers and plants?

I say it’s curiosity that have children grow like weeds. Did you notice I say “children” only? Most of us, the adults, seem to stop growing at one point. Maybe, that’s why we call ourselves, “Grown Up”, like we we are done, baked, cooked. No need to grow because we have already grown.

I can probably save one hundred dollars per week by putting a dollar in a jar every time my three-year-old charge asks WHY–that’s how often he asks “WHY, Hsiao-Ling?” I realized lately, when I give him an answer to his why, I might actually stop him from being curious. Another way the adults squash children’s curiosity is telling them “You don’t need to know this right now”–as my husband shared with me how his father had always said so whenever he asked WHY.

Me: Mary is coming to babysit you on Saturday.

Little Boy: Yea. Is Mary not going to see her grandpa? (Mary’s grandpa passed away two weeks ago)

Me: No. He passed away, remember?

Little Boy: Oh, he went to heaven.

Me: (not saying anything)

Little Boy: Can Mary go to heaven to see him?

Me: Maybe later.

Little Boy: Why not now?

Me: (looks at the little boy’s mommy)

Little Boy’s Mommy: Well, honey, Mary can’t go right now.

Little Boy: Why can’t she?

Little Boy’s Mommy: Because heaven is a place you go when you pass away.

Little Boy: Why is it?

Little Boy’s Mommy: That’s the way it is, buddy. (then turns to me) I am not ready to have this conversation yet.

Conversations like this sometimes could be hard for grown ups (just wait when children ask questions about sex). WHY?  Could it be we think we have all the answers (or, we think we need to have the answers)? How can you being curious when you already know the answers? Could you grow, or allow others to grow, if you already know the answers? And, how could being curious use us as parents? What impact would it have in our children’s life when we are willing to be in the not knowing?

Me: I heard your bed was wet this morning.

Little Boy: I peed peed in my pant.

Me: I thought you had your pull-ups on at night time.

Little Boy: I did. I just had a lot of pee.

Me: You sure had lots of it.

Little Boy: It’s just an accident, Hsiao-Ling.

Me: What can you do when you have an accident like that?

Little Boy: (looks at me) Clean up?

Me: (smile) You mean you help me to clean up your accident?

Little Boy: No, it’s not your mess, Hsiao-Ling. You don’t clean up my mess.

Maybe, one of the benefits of being in the wonderment to discover our children’s view about life is allowing our children to come up with their own answers to life…. that they learn to be responsible for their own actions, including accidents (which some of the adults still think you can’t be responsible for accidents–“It’s not my fault. It’s an accident!!”)

P.S. I am meeting up with a group of people this weekend, and engaging in a conversation about curiosity. Here are some questions that get you start thinking:

#  What are you curious about?
#  What have you always been curious about?
#  What are you not curious about?
#  How is life different when you are being curious or not being curious?
#  Where is choice?

Enjoy the ride!!

“Oh, You Are A Babysitter”

Matilda (Bluefairy Sarang)

I finally had a chance to finish reading “The Nanny Diaries” and watched the movie.  Despite some negative reviews, I found the movie reflects some views that are factual. I don’t mean those views are true. What I am saying is that they are based on someone’s experience, and are as valid as mine, even though my Nanny career is completely not like the one in the book/movie.

It can be frustrating sometimes to deal with people’s reaction when I say “I am a Professional Nanny”, and they respond, “Oh, you’re a babysitter.” (Didn’t I just say “Professional Nanny?”). After I clarify that a Nanny is not a Babysitter, I then get this long “Ohhhhh” with a particular facial expression, followed by “So that’s like a babysitter who gets a lot of perks, right?”

It really makes me laugh how people could not hear the difference between these two words, “Nanny” and “Babysitter”–they don’t even spell the same, or sound the same!!

If it is going to be up to someone to transform the view of what a Nanny is, it would be up to me, or us, the Nannies. Some of us do see being a Nanny as a job, rather than a career. A job that you would do before you land a career. And, there are people like me who are serious about being a Nanny. So serious that I feel the need to put a word “professional” in front of the word, “nanny”, hoping that people would respect for what I do. After all, title is quite important, right?

My dear husband said to me after watching the movie, “You should share your Nanny experience, so people know not all nanny-employer relationships are like that.”  True, not all are the same. I am not sure, however, if I write a book about my experience of being a Nanny, it would be “sellable”. It seems to me that people are drawn to dramas, rants, complaints, other than inspiration, or say, the good news.

I was interviewed by an ABC News 20/20 Primetime producer. She was working on a project that involves nannies and their relationship with employers. When she asked me how the conflicts were usually resolved between me and my employer given that I was raised, and came from another culture, I said, “If I experience any conflict, I always ask myself what am I reacting to. It is not my place to judge how my employers raise their children. Part of my job as a Nanny is to listen and carry out what is important to the family. If I don’t agree their parenting style, I would communicate that and not let it be a conflict between us. The conflict happens when I am being righteous about how they should raise their children. This doesn’t allow any room for dialogues or conversations.”  She said, “Oh. Huh, let me call you back.”  I have not heard from her since.

Maybe she got too busy and forgot to call me back. Maybe my story is too good to be true. It’s just not juicy enough to sell.

A Tiny-Weeny Teaspoon And That Giant Iceberg

I thought I was clear.

Clear about what my life purpose is. Clear about what I could give back to community, and the differences I have been making. But, as I listened to and moved by Mr. Gordon Starr, who was one of many involved in The Hunger Project thirty something years ago, shared how his life has been impacted since he created a promise for the world, I began to hear myself saying “What you have been doing is not enough… You better go out there and “make” something happen soon.”

It was like Mr. Gordon’s differences-making is Golden-Platinum level, so-and-so’s is Sliver, and that person is Coper, and this person is Bronze. Mine? Under the microscope of comparison, mine ended up to be something like “Paper”, or “Cotton”.

Surprisingly, I found out I was not the only one felt “not-enough-and-I-better-do-more” in the audience. In the mindset of “not-enough-and-better-do-more”, making a difference becomes a competition, result driven; rather than simply an inspiration.

A friend of mine once used an analogy of a teaspoon and an iceberg for what making a difference could be. “There you are, all you have is a teaspoon to chip away a giant iceberg. Day after day. Week after week. It doesn’t look like you are ever going to level that iceberg. And you know you probably won’t. The worst part is, you won’t even see it leveled in your life time. Still, you wake up in the morning, have your teaspoon ready, and off you go. Chipping away that iceberg.”

It is logical to give up, and move on to a seemingly smaller iceberg. Though, what matters might not be the size of the task. It is the commitment that one chooses to honor regardless of how it is going, or how it “should” look.

Ah-ha, there it is. The “should” creeps in when I least suspect. As a Professional Nanny, I thought the laughers, the kisses, the hugs, the “I miss you last night after you went home, Hsiao-Ling” are just too small of an iceberg to believe I am making a difference in the world of a child. If I were to make THE difference, I “should” do something BIG, right? But, I am, after all, JUST a Nanny. How am I going to make THE difference anyway?

Gee, no one is going to win in this not me, not enough, can’t do monologue.

I teared up, again, watching Jamie Oliver’s reality show, “Food Revolution”. When the DJ finally admitted, “It is not about Jamie Oliver. It’s about us. It’s about he health of our town.” I realized, it is not who is digging down the iceberg. Of course, you think being Jamie Oliver would make the task easier; though, he has been meeting many obstacles that I wonder if it is even possible to transform the status quo.

As Jerome Downes, a Landmark Forum Leader, once said (excerpted from the Bangkok Landmark Forum, November 2009):

“It is really possible to create your life, and have a magical life. When I die, I won’t die having a reputation associated with money because my life is not about that. Landmark [Education] is not about that. I like money. I know how to make money. It’s not a big enough game for me.

Contributing, finding something to contribute, being able to contribute transformation for people is what inspires me. We, the Landmark Forum
Leaders, don’t want to be known as good speakers – we want to be known as people who can contribute something that makes a difference for people.

If you have a chance to look back on your life, you’ve got to ask this
question: “What difference have I made? Was my life just about what I wanted,
or did I contribute and make a difference to others?

I’m going to tell you the secret pathway to happiness. Find something you
can contribute. While the world may tell you that money is going to make
you happy or material possessions are going to make you happy, do not be
fooled. Whatever it is to contribute, to make a difference – that can make a
difference in your life.

Here is your homework assignment. Go make the world work. Get your
family to work. Get your company to work. Get your community to work. Get
your country to work.

If it’s not you, who is it going to be? If this is not it, when is it going to be it?

I invite you to sort out your life right now. Choose what your life is going to be about. Who you are is a huge opportunity to make a difference.”

Have you got your teaspoon ready?